How Did You Hold On? ~ Part 2 of 5

Jillian ask, “How did you make it through that? How did you hold on?”

Have I experienced tough times in my life? Yes.

It’s not an easy story for me to tell, but when I think it will help someone, I willing share it. Today, dear reader, I share it with you because if you’re reading this then you, too, have probably sought answers to life’s tough questions.

I’d been married eight years when my daughter was born, almost ten when my son came along. A bare few months after the birth, my husband decided he didn’t want to be married to me any more. He left us, left while my darling two-year-old little girl stood on the patio and screamed at the top of her lungs, “Daddy, don’t go! Daddy, don’t go! Daddy, please don’t go!” As his truck disappeared around the corner, she whispered with every part of her being, “I love you, Daddy!”

She darted back into the house, ran into the hallway, and began beating her head against the wall. Not rocking or bumping it—beating it. I collapsed onto the floor between her and that wall and cradled her for hours—until the sun had long gone down—until she finally settled into infrequent little cries: hiccupping, sobbing gulps of air.

Remembering her suffering, twenty-two years later, my chest feels as though it will cave in. Twenty-two years later she is still crying out, “I love you, Daddy. Won’t you please love me like I need to be loved?”

Depression hit hard. I remember standing in front of the refrigerator so despondent I couldn’t even lift an arm to open the door. I can still hear my baby son crying from hunger. I had to feed him. I had to open that door. How did I do it? How did I go on?

Part of me is still amazed that I was able to. Part of me knows the answer: In my despair, Jehovah was faithful. In my inability to move or breath, Jesus Christ made Himself real to me. I learned what Paul meant when he said, “In Him we live and move and exist….”[1]

Sound trite? Simple? Not to me.

Jillian didn’t think so, either. She leaned back in her chair, her eyes moist with unshed tears, and realized hope was real.

Why do we go through these times? What possible purpose can they have? There is a hope-giving answer to those questions.


[1] Acts 17.28

to Part 1 | 2 | 3 | 4 | 5

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